Guilty Pleasure: Playing the Lottery

I know am I really late in posting this, but I was just so caught up in my day dreams of multi-millionaire grandeur that I couldn't pause to sit down and write. Last week, my office went in on a pool for the Mega Millions—which unless you were living under a rock—you know was the highest jackpot off all time at $640 MILLION dollars. 

Because I believe in “The Secret” was willing to do whatever it took to win that jackpot, I printed up these "winning checks" for my coworkers. We had these suckers taped up all around the office, acting as little cubicle totems that were guaranteed to help us strike it rich. 

Although we didn't win the grand prize, I did waste plenty of company time day dreaming about the extravagent ways I would spend that kind of money. So for your guilty pleasure, here is an abbreviated list of the things I would do with an extra $640 Million.

1. Pimp My Ride

So as some of you know, I used to drive a gorgeous Audi A4 that I LOOOOVED. Then my younger sister totaled it...while I was on my honeymoon. Now I drive my mom's used Suburu station wagon, complete with Washington license plates. My self esteem has taken a major hit as people on the roads now regularly assume that I am a soccer mom on her way to the Farmer's Market (or at the very least, some crunchy hippie who took a wrong turn somewhere around Portland).

Do I even need to warn you that there is an Asian behind the wheel?

 

2. Buy a Vacation Home

Since I already live in a beach paradise, I figured I could use a wintery retreat in the form of a ski chalet, and where better to buy one than Switzerland? This quaint gem would only set me back 4.9 million CHF, which in American dollars is like chump change. After a hard day of hitting the slopes, I would just curl up by the fire with a little fondue. Or maybe I could invite my tanned and toned ski instructor Jeurgen over for a bottle of Claret and a quick dip in the hot tub... Really, the possibilities are endless.

10 bedrooms: one for every estranged relative who will invite themselves skiing.

Didn't win the Lottery? Don't worry, you still have options...

Also known as a bathtub...

3. Fly First Class

Since I'll be flying back and forth to Europe all winter, I might as well fly first class. And what could be classier, not to mention super economical, than flying in your own plane? So I Googled "747 for Sale" and found this helpful ad:

Like Lasik eye surgery, an airplane is not something I want to buy "on the cheap." So I think I'll just call up this guy and have him fly me there instead:

But I'd swap his Captain's uniform for something from 'Saturday Night Fever'.

4. Buy a Race Horse

In San Diego, no holiday is bigger than Opening Day at the Del Mar Racetrack. Everyone gets dressed in their best seersucker, dons giant hats, then packs into a retrofitted school party bus and heads up north. By 5 p.m., the day has turned into a sloshy blur of overwatered mint juleps and misguided bets. Did I mention, this all takes place on a Wednesday?

How cool would it be, instead of betting on the horse with the prettiest mane (that's the hair on its neck, for you non-horse people) or the jockey with the coolest silks, you could tell your friends to bet on YOUR  RACEHORSE?!  

Girl on party bus to the racetrack: "My boyfriend and I just got the cutest Puggle! Want to see pictures?" 

You: "I just bought a batch of Secretariat's sperm for a cool half-million. Want to see pictures?" 

Secretariat...strong runner, and swimmer.

5. Adopt Exotic Pets

So technically #4 could fall under this category, but I am really thinking more along the lines of owning an entire menagerie of exotic animals. Like a zoo, but without those annoying things called "children" running amok all over the place. The first species I'd start collecting would be peacocks, then I'd move onto large cats, primates, then throw in an elephant or two.

Good news folks, you can start your collection today for under $100...

And I was supposed to get a high-paying job with my college degree. Life is full of disappointments.

 

6. Ask myself, "What would Jay-Z and Beyonce do?"

Verdict: If the mega rich are assholes, then I'm okay with being an asshole too.